Any Given Hoonage

 

I don't know what to say really.

Three minutes
to the biggest battle of our working lives
all comes down to today.

Either
we get this form schtamped
and get out on the road
as a team
or we are going to crumble.

Mile by mile
Roundabout by roundabout
till we're finished.

We are in hell right now, gentlemen
believe me
and
we can stay here
and get the shit taxed out of us
or
we can fight our way
back into the light.

We can climb out of hell.
One inch, at a time.

Now I can't do it for you.
I'm too old.
I look around and I see these young faces
and I think
I mean
I made every wrong choice a middle-aged man could make.
I uh....
...erm...

I bought a red-D, red-I Passat, believe it or not.
I kept it taxed
and paid that in full for 12 months
And I went and told everyone on t’interweb it was faster than a Scooby
And lately,
I can't even stand the clatter of the thing when it starts

You know when you get old in life
things get taken from you.
That's, that's part of life.
But,
you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
You find out that life is just a game of inches.

So is hooning
Because in either game
life or hoonage
the margin for error is so small.
I mean
one half dab of oppo too late or to early
you don't quite make it.
One little lift too slow or fast
and you don't quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They are on every inch of the road
every minute, every second.

In this car, we fight for that precision
In this car, we tear our threadblocks, and our brake pads
to pieces for that precision
We CLAW with our slip angles for that precision
Cause we know
when we add up all those inches
that's going to make the fucking difference
between being FAST and being SLOW
between LIVING and HOONING

I'll tell you this
on any hoon
it is the guy who has the biggest PLUUUUUMS
who is going to be the fastest
And I know
if I am going to have any life anymore
it is because, I am still willing to put the pluuums up on the dashboard

And go ÄBSOLUTELY FLET OUT ACROSS COUNTY HURT

because that is what HOONAGE is.

The limit-point analysis right in front of your face.

Now I can't make you do it.
You gotta look at the Penpal next to you
Look into his eyes.
Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go hooning with you.
You are going to see a guy
who will sacrifice himself and his pluums for a hoon
because he knows when it comes down to it,
you are gonna buy a goon of t’Village for him.

That's a hoon, gentlemen
and either we hoon now, as a team,
or we will die as individuals.